Stop Asking Your Donors to Death
Why Your Best Donors Give Less When You Ask for More
The counterintuitive psychology behind why over-soliciting actually shrinks gift sizes.
Your best donor just cut their annual gift in half. Again.
You're scratching your head because you've been asking them more often, staying top-of-mind, following all the "best practices" about donor engagement. You've tripled your touchpoints, doubled your asks, and sent every appeal with their name on it.
So why are they giving you less money?
Because you've accidentally trained them to budget you down instead of up.
Welcome to the most expensive mistake in fundraising - one that's quietly shrinking donations across the nonprofit world while everyone thinks they're doing everything right.
The Budgeting Psychology You Never Learned
Here's what happens in your donor's brain when you ask too often:
Month 1: "I love this organization. I'll give them $500 this year."
Month 3: "Oh, another ask. Well, I already planned to give $500 total, so I'll send $100 now and save the rest for later."
Month 5: "Another appeal? I already gave twice this year. I guess I'll send another $50."
Month 8: "Seriously, again? I've already given $150. Maybe $25 more."
End of year: Total given: $175. Original intention: $500.
You didn't get more money by asking more often. You got less money spread across more transactions. Your donor feels tapped out even though they gave way less than they originally planned.
The "Donation Budget" Trap
Most donors don't have unlimited giving budgets. They have a rough number in their head for what they can give to your organization annually. When you ask frequently, you're not increasing that budget - you're just forcing them to divide it into smaller pieces.
It's like asking someone to pay their rent weekly instead of monthly. Same total amount, but now it feels like they're constantly paying you, which creates donor fatigue and resentment.
We worked with an organization that was sending monthly appeals to their major donors. Their average gift size had dropped 40% over two years, but their number of transactions had doubled. They thought they were succeeding because donors were "more engaged."
They weren't more engaged. They were more annoyed.
The Scarcity Mindset You're Creating
When you ask too often, donors start thinking:
"If they need money this badly this frequently, they must be in serious trouble."
"Maybe I should give smaller amounts in case they go under."
"They seem desperate. I better not commit too much."
Instead of positioning yourself as a stable organization worthy of significant investment, you're positioning yourself as an emergency case that needs constant life support.
That's not a recipe for major gifts. That's a recipe for pity donations.
The Right Way to Think About Ask Frequency
For your major donors: Think annually, not monthly. One or two significant conversations per year about meaningful support, not constant small asks.
For your mid-level donors: Quarterly at most. Give them time to miss you between asks.
For your small donors: This is where frequency can work, but only if you're asking for different things (monthly giving vs. special campaigns vs. year-end).
Show them impact. Build a relationship. They are more than an ask.
The "Surprise and Delight" Strategy
Instead of constant asks, try this: Ask less often, but ask for more when you do.
When donors aren't hearing from you constantly with their hand out, they start to:
Miss your organization
Accumulate goodwill toward you
Build up their mental giving budget
Feel excited to support you when you do ask
What to Do Between Asks
Just because you're not asking doesn't mean you're not communicating. Fill the space with:
Impact updates that show what their previous gifts accomplished
Behind-the-scenes content that makes them feel like insiders
Personal notes that have nothing to do with money
Invitations to non-fundraising events where they can connect with your mission
This builds relationship equity that pays off when you do make an ask.
The Magic Question That Changes Everything
Instead of asking "Can you give us $100?" try asking:
"What would meaningful support look like for you this year?"
This question:
Lets them set the number based on their capacity
Frames giving as an annual decision, not a monthly obligation
Positions you as a partner, not a beggar
Often results in larger gifts than you would have asked for
The Less-Is-More Challenge
Here's your homework: Pick your top 20 donors and cut your ask frequency in half for the next six months.
Instead of monthly appeals, try quarterly. Instead of quarterly, try twice a year. Fill the gap with relationship-building content that has nothing to do with money.
Track what happens to their average gift size. We're willing to bet it goes up.
Because here's the counterintuitive truth: Donors who feel less pressured give more money. Donors who are asked less often give bigger gifts. Donors who aren't constantly solicited actually look forward to supporting you.
At Knoll & Krest, we help organizations find the sweet spot between staying connected and staying out of donors' wallets. We teach teams how to build relationships that lead to larger, more meaningful gifts instead of constant small transactions.
Because your mission deserves donors who are excited to give, not exhausted by your asks.
Ready to try the less-is-more approach?
Let's make space for bigger gifts.
Let’s get to work.